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Saturday  - May 15, 2004
New and Improved (With Sweat) 


Did I mention I was working on a site overhaul? How’s this for new digs? 
Yummy, eh?

Obviously I couldn’t have done this myself - I’d lie about that, but my background of learning web design is somewhat documented in my dairy and I don’t have the energy to go back and revise history. So, new site courtesy of my friends at Classy Trashy and special hugs and kisses to The Man Behind The Curtain. 

There is obviously a lot more that is new aside from the fabulous, easy-to-read color scheme (no more emails bitching to me about it being TOO PINK, okay). The new diary navigation is ten times more user-friendly and simple (boy was I trying to re-invent the wheel there for a while). Plus you'll find the #1 most requested feature that readers have been clamoring for: MORE AUDIO. Most of the pieces in the Erotica Section feature a short clip and many other little fun tidbits are here and there around the site. Depending on how much of a bandwidth suck they turn out to be these may or may not be permanent features, so enjoy them now and please let me know if you’re having any trouble with them. The shopping section has been personalized with my reviews on products and well the rest of the new stuff you’ll find for yourself. 

I have been a wicked girl as usual, except that I have been tres unavailable most recently, and for that I’m sorry. I had a birthday explosion with friends coming in from out of town and just enjoying a really good time, and immediately after that I began a series of misadventures that would have given even Johnny Knoxville cause to pause. The most annoying of these events was the total nervous breakdown of my air conditioner. Your humble phone slut was a soaking-wet-with-sweat slut. My brain was melting. I am here to tell you that people who lived in Florida prior to the invention of air conditioning were CRAZY. Possibly lunatic. This is why most serial killers start out or end up here. Something about the heat attracts insanity. Don’t believe me? Well I ask you: why are all the primitive cannibal cultures from warm climates? I’ll tell you why. Because when you are that hot you get cranky and you’d rather eat someone than listen to them speak. Plus it does things to your decision making skills. It happens when there is bone-melting humidity weighing down your soul. Okay. I might be over-dramatizing, but I was REALLY hot, and this isn’t exactly the type of gig you can do with the windows open (not without going to court later). All I can say is thank god for repairmen, the beach, halter tops and wet towels in the freezer. Otherwise I’d be a puddle on the floor. 

And while we're on the subject of sweltering heat answer me this: why is it that sweat is sexy? I mean, so often when we're sweaty it's a sign of discomfort. Where does the sultry attractiveness of this bodily fluid enter into being? I’ve been pawing this over and over in my mind since “the A/C incident.” Is it because we get sweaty when we have sex and therefore associate it? Is it just because sweat implies activity and we know if someone’s sweaty they’ve been up to something? Is it the slippery factor? Is it the salty, briny flavor when I can’t help touching my tongue to the back of my arm? Is it the way a body glistens? So many subtleties of sexuality intrigue me. Call after call, kink after kink, sweat seems to be universally hot (no pun intended). When I set a scene during a fantasy, sweat is a fundamental element for my callers and myself. Adding the detail of the way sweat drips down the small of my back to a fantasy and listening to the way a guy responds on the other end puts johns into the room with me. One of a million little details that do so much to make the whisper of fantasy feel real. When they say the devil’s in the details they ain’t just whistling Dixie. He’s in them, and he’s good. 

Or maybe I just like the concept of being a human salt-lick. Who knows.

So, speaking of details, one of the things people write to me about is that I don’t share enough about details of *me* here on the site. I focus on "the job" and my feelings on that score, and I sure ramble about sex a lot, but I don’t personalize most of Phone Slut Diary with the tidbits of minutia that reveal the more intimate insights of a person's everyday hustle and bustle. Well, part of that is a "duh" factor because this site is greatly focused on promoting myself as a fantasy entertainer while demystifying and deconstructing this business I've stumbled so happily into. And, well, it's no small thing that I have to be cautious about over sharing and maintaining my privacy. Yes, that factor is due to the limitations I've placed upon my life by entering into this profession while skirting its obvious stigma, but that's my choice and so long as Ashcroft is in a position of power, I'm stickin' to it. But, I'm also starting to understand that there might be a certain allure to sharing some of the realness of me as well. Boy. Did that sound conceited or what? Although, to be honest, if you’re NOT interested in me what the hell are you doing here? Maybe there’s no way around being a bit conceited in a blog. It’s sort of the ultimate self-indulgence in a way, isn’t it? 

So, regardless, I got one of those teenaged-slam-book-type surveys in an email the other day, and I thought I’d use it to provide a few fun details about myself. Sweaty panties aside, there are other things that make a girl feel real. ;-)


1. What time do you get up?

This is a question that has no solid answer. Sometime between 8am and 7pm generally depending upon what sleeping cycle my body is adjusting to and how late I was up the previous day. If I had to pick an average, I’d say about 11am.


2. If you could eat lunch with one person, who would it be?

Alive or dead? I always hate this question. Alive is probably Bob Dylan just because I want to sit on his lap and call him Daddy while he sings to me. Dead is definitely Oscar Wilde hands down, no argument. I would have loved to be in the presence of the quintessential wit of contemporary times. But, if I am to be reasonable, and put all silly notions of celebrity aside, there is one very special fellow that I would rather have breakfast, lunch, or supper with every day of the week and twice on Sundays were it possible. He’ll know who he is when he reads this and though that sounds like a cop out it is, none-the-less, true.


3. Gold or silver?

Platinum.


4. What are your favorite films?

Oh hell. How many do I get? In no particular order:

The Lion in Winter, All About Eve, The Philadelphia Story, Citizen Kane, The Fisher King (all Gilliam, really), Life is Beautiful, Leon (The Professional), Cinema Paradiso (The original cut), 1776, Cat on a Hot Tin Roof, Amelie, Seven, Guys and Dolls, Young Frankenstein, Hudson Hawk, Quick Change and anything starring Steve McQueen, Clint Eastwood, Charles Bronson, or Hepburn & Tracey. 


5. What is/are your favorite TV shows?

Heh. Also in no particular order and without proper punctuation (life is too short):

The Simpsons, The Daily Show, The West Wing, Star Trek (all reincarnations) Good Eats, The Mummy Roadshow, Monk, Real Time with Bill Maher, Frasier, Survivor (I know, I know), The Sopranos, Six Feet Under, Carnevale, Daria, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Angel, Firefly, Queer Eye for the Straight Guy, Kid Notorious, Family Guy, South Park, History’s Mysteries, Cold Case Files, the New Detectives, Monty Python and now Deadwood.


6. What is/are your favorite books?

Harry Potter freak. King’s Dark Tower series, A Night in the Lonesome October by Roger Zelazny, Animal Dreams by Barbara Kingsolver, Hamlet, Cat on a Hot Tin Roof (and all Tennessee Williams), One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest, To Kill a Mockingbird, Jorge Luis Borges short fiction, Anne Rice’s The Mummy (the one book by the wench that I like and she won’t write a sequel?), a lot of freekin’ science fiction that I don’t have time to list, Deaver's Lincoln Rhyme series, and Victorian Melodrama / Classic Regency like Pride and Prejudice and Emma. Yes, I know I’m a partly a sucker for a romance. What can I say? I’m a girl. So shoot me.


7. What did you have for breakfast?

Yesterday a popsicle, today french toast (because turning on the oven burner didn’t mean risking heat stroke). 


8. Who would you hate to be stuck in a room with?

Anyone that wants to sell me Amway or talk to me about Jesus (and how weird is it that they are so often the same people?). Oh -- but I have to share a previous answer a friend of mine gave to this question because it made me laugh: 

George W Bush. Wait, do I have a gun?


9. What/who inspires you?

The people I love inspire me to be a better person and to always be myself and proud of myself (cheesy but true). Art inspires me to think outside the box in all its forms film, music, visual arts, language arts (okay, not dance). Debate inspires and stimulates me - conversation and discussion is my consummate muse. And, honestly -- many of my callers inspire me. A great deal of my erotica is based on a call that made me look at something sensual from a completely new perspective.


10. Beach, City or Country?

Beach. But, ideally, a beach in the country that is close enough to a city to make a midnight run for French fries and milkshakes if necessary.


11. Favorite ice cream?

Java chip or butter pecan. Although when I was a little girl I loved pistachio. But you really don’t see it anymore.


12. Butter, plain or salted popcorn?

Buttered and salted. But I don’t want real butter. I want that stuff they put on at the movie theater. Not that new “sorta better for you” crap they have now, either. I want the stuff that used to make you think you could actually hear your arteries hardening. What ass decided that junk food had to be politically correct?


13. Favorite color?

Red or purple in the abstract, pink in practice, and rusty earth tones in décor. 


14. What kind of car do you drive?

A Buick Skylark. I miss my VW bug. I miss my Thunderbird. I miss my high school boyfriend’s Mustang (though, ironically, not him). But a Buick makes me feel responsible, so I drive her, and I tell her she is a good girl. But, deep down, I think she knows I’m mentally undressing her and making her a Shelby Cobra.


15. Favorite sandwich?

Cuban. 


16. What characteristic do you despise?

Close-minded ignorance.


17. Favorite flower?

Hyacinths and gardenias in my gardens, yellow roses in my vases, and orchids or hibiscus in my hair.


18. If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation where would you go?

In an ideal world Egypt, then Greece, then Rome. In the current real world, EPCOT.


19. What color is your bathroom? 

Key West colors medley. think:
 



20. Favorite brand of clothing?

Favorite is Dolce & Gabbana, but more often shopped is Baby Phat.


21. Where would you retire to?

The island I would retire to doesn’t have high speed internet. So, here’s fine.


22. Favorite day of the week?

Wednesday


23. What did you do for your last birthday?

Had a week and a half of mardi-gras-esque frolicking with friends, family, and total strangers. 


24. Where were you born?

In a hospital in Miami. Oddly enough in the maternity ward. 


25. Favorite sport to watch?

Football, indoor volleyball, and curling (yes, curling! Work that broom, sistah!)


26. What fabric detergent do you use?

I alternate Tide and Gain


27. Coke or Pepsi? 

Pepsi


28. Are you a morning person or a night owl?

Morning…morning…I’ve heard that word before…it’s almost familiar…wait don’t tell me…


29. What is your shoe size?

Five-and-a-half. And designers make everything for tall women with big feet. Bastards. 


30. Do you have any pets?

Yes. I’m one of those people that treats their pet like a child. And I’ll bet my child is better behaved than yours. 




31. Favorite sexual position?

Standing, taken from behind. Hard.


Well, that’s all for now. And surely that’s enough of me for quite some time.




PS - It was a big site overhaul, and while I think it’s spiffy, there is no doubt something I missed. If you’ve found something I spaced on, or you’re having trouble with any part of the site, please drop me a line at: [email protected] and be sure to include what version of your browser you’re using and your operating system (Mac, PC, Linux) if possible. 


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