The majority of infant circumcisions do not intentionally remove the frenulum, although it often fails to develop fully when the foreskin is removed at birth. The foreskin, by the way, comprises one-third to one-half the total skin of the penis. It is filled with a number of nerves, among them stretch receptors, which are important to the sexual functioning of the penis. I’m a big fan of this anti-circumcision hippie movement (I’ve got Cartman on the brain) that’s been growing in popularity for the last few years. There are so many more interesting nooks and crannies to a cock when it’s been left to its own yummy development stages.
And you know what? When it’s intact I LOVE frenulums. It’s like when you get experimental with sloppy wet kissing as a teenager (after the novelty has warn off) and you start to play with the frenum under your partner’s tongue, or that space between their teeth and fleshy inner cheeks. It’s so much fun to tongue it or tickle a penile frenulum during a hand/blow job and just watch, feel, and listen to the reaction it brings.
But, I digress. Why do I like to talk about the frenulum? What does it have to do with phone sex? Well, it’s about knowing and understanding the parts of a man’s cock. Not just as part of the out loud part of my job, where proper names can’t always be used -- many guys don’t know the proper names for their private parts any more than women who regularly use vulva and vagina interchangeably as if they were the same thing. Also proper names aren’t always sexy. “I’m going to tongue your urethra” isn’t nearly as appealing to most johns as “I’m going to tongue your cock hole.” So, you know, gotta bow to what gets ya hot.
But understanding the different parts of a man’s penis helps me with the often vastly more important innerspace of being a phonesex slut. Internal visualization -- that’s where the intensity comes from. On the surface a cock is pretty much just head, shaft and balls. It’s circumcised or uncircumcised. A one size fits all kind of description. As boring and clinical as those diagrams of women's naughty bits that you find in lovely places like tampon direction packets.
Except that men and women and all our naughty bits are different. Mainstream porn has airbrushed figures and models all doctored up from genital plastic surgery. Women who have their labia altered to be more even and attractive. Ick. And the men are no exception. I’m so tired of circumcised man #9 with bulbous head, veiny shaft, and medium-sized shaved balls. Penis porn sucks as bad as typical Playboy current issues. Let’s face it, go back through some 1970’s Playboy mags and there are hot, natural, well-photographed bodies without fake tits and/or labia alterations. When I want the GOOD stuff I go back in time. Sure, there’s bush, but I’ve gotten to the point where I’d rather have real tits and bush than bald pussies on plastic women.
But when I want good penis porn I go…nowhere. *sigh*
Look, it sounds cliché, but it’s TRUE. Cocks come naturally in all shapes and sizes. And I’m a cock-hound kind of slut. I love the way they look and I love the way they feel and I love all the bumps and veins and hanging bulging balls and any other kind of variety. I especially love it when clients describe their cocks to me. It’s one of the things about the job that gets me going. And when I’m talking to guys with a command of adjectives, I’m a happy girl.
So, guys:
 Your glans can be mushroomy bulbous or semi-flattened or almost pointy;
Your meatus can be tight and contracted like a pinprick or wide enough to
tickle with the tip of your pinky finger;
Your sulcus can be more pronounced or less pronounced;
Your dorsal veins can be lewdly obvious or subtle along the shaft;
If you don't know any of the words I just used, please look them up. These are yummy parts on your body and you should know what they are! You’re not just clipped or unclipped, big or small, thick or thin. Give me something to work with. Tell me about that buddy of yours that you keep bringing to my phone for tea and crumpets. I’m happy to worship in a general sense at the altar of your cock, but I bow all wet and creamy to the God of details when he’ll let me. Because the more I visualize it, the more I want to make it hard and choke the cum out of it.
Recently, on a message board I glanced over an exchange between women discussing how “funny” men’s penises look. I just don’t hold with that. I mean, given that I tend to think labia look like raw oysters, I’m not saying either male or female nitty gritty parts are the most attractive feature of the human body. But I don’t think they’re “funny looking.” I think descriptions like that stem from a knee-jerk juvenile embarrassment about looking starkly at the sex organs of others. Some vague memory of sitting in a classroom all blush-faced while watching a filmstrip about “human growth and development” in pre-bio. It’s the aftertaste of puberty.
Now, as I said, looking at standard “penis porn” doesn’t do much for me. I think that’s because, generally, penis porn is intended for gay man and despite general misconceptions gay male sexuality is NOT the same thing as female sexuality (if it can be said there is such a thing). The "balls pushed back between legs" shot does nothing for me, nor for most of the girls I count as friends who are willing to discuss such information.
But I love watching and thinking about blowjobs and I especially get off on watching and fantasizing about guys jerking off. I have a few callers who basically just want someone to listen to them jerk off, and while that might sound boring, they can be some of the most intense calls. I mean, when you hear that lubed hand pumping out that actual flesh-slapping-flesh sloppy wanking sound, it can get hot.
Some of these calls enter into realms like orgasm control and those are the ones that melt my butter. I’m not heavy into the dom calls, but having a guy describe his cock to me in his own words and getting the mental image of him beating that meat exactly the way I tell him to and keeping him from coming or listening to him get off on me explaining explicitly where my mouth would be and how my tongue would lap…it’s the best part of my job. Well, among the best parts.
I know, I’m four months late for National Penis Month (and, if you missed it, EROS BLOG was in prime form but then when is Eros NOT in prime form?), still, I’ve just had cock on the brain lately.
Maybe I’m just trying to avoid talking about “the biz.” I’ve been exposed to a lot of negative aspects of my brethren recently. Maybe it’s encountering so much “real life” potential for negative (like hurricanes and up-in-the-air-elections) but I’m just tired of listening to other phone sex sluts bitch about each other and their johns and I don’t want to be one of them right now. *sigh* I guess there’s just no profession where the mendacity of humanity won’t find a way to wiggle itself inside and show its ass.
So, instead of giggling about wankers, or rambling about penny johns, or rolling my eyes at some caller that likes to smother himself in coleslaw and have buttsex with kielbasa, I’m just going to say that I like making men come. I like having phone sex with men kneading their cocks in their hands so that I can hear it. And while the trials and tribulations of ANY job will wear and tear on you over time, there is NO better feeling that coasting on the ego-yumminess of listening to a really intense guy jerk himself hard and come out loud for you. Fuck casual Fridays, I’ve got career bonuses in my living room every day (when I’m not evacuated for fucking hurricane season).
Maybe I’m just horny today. Who the fuck knows? Maybe the cock worshipping whore in me just needed to take the helm and blog a bit. Sometimes you have to let the monsters out of their boxes and see where they take you.
At any rate, HOPEFULLY it won’t be ages before my next update, but I’m not placing any bets. Florida might sink into the Atlantic for an encore next month for all I know. And me without my rubbers…
xox
A Few Cock-Sure Facts
Average length of human penis when not erect: 3.0 3.75 inches
Average length of human penis when erect: 5.2 - 6.4 inches
The biggest human penis on record: 13.5 inches long and 6.25 inches around,
medically verified and documented by Dr. Robert L. Dickinson.
(Note: Dr. David Reuben in Everything You Always Wanted to Know
About Sex reported a 14-inch penis as being the longest in 1969, but he
never quoted a source).
The smallest human penis on record: 5/8 of an inch
Largest average penis in the animal kingdom: 11 feet (blue whale)
Average amount of semen per ejaculation: 1-2 teaspoons
Average number of times a man will ejaculate in his lifetime: 7,200
Average # of times he will ejaculate from masturbation: 2,000
Average total amount of lifetime ejaculate: 14 gallons
Average speed of ejaculation: 28 miles per hour
Average # of calories in a teaspoon of semen: 7
Average # of erections per day for a man: 11
Average # of erections during the night: 9
Speed at which erotic sensations travel from skin to brain: 156 miles per hour
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Saturday - September 25, 2004
Bad Girls, Crazy Ivans, and My Friend, Frenulum
I’m sorry my availability has been so sporadic for those of you sweet honey boys that have been writing. I promise to try and get some log-in time going on soon. If you can’t seem to find me on-line, write me an email and I’ll set up a special appointment.
This is going to be another LONG update, so I’m breaking out the subheadings.
Phone Sex Alternative #1: Recordings on Niteflirt
There is an alternative of sorts that I’m trying out which I’m hoping will enhance the enjoyment of the erotica section for those that care to indulge. Since my audio clips have been so well received, I’m going to try and get up recordings of my stories read by me for per-minute listening. When I had these available on CD they were fairly popular, but the evil PayPal monster says we’re not allowed to sell adult things anymore, so, you know, fuck it. I’m going to try and keep the costs of the recordings down to my previous CD prices (which were $25 - $50 based on length). Alternately, I’ll try and work it out for those interested where if you do X amount of calls in a given month, I’ll send a free CD. But don’t hold me to that just yet ;-)
Anyway, since my most popular story, by far is Sins of the Father I’m making it the first to be available on recording via Niteflirt. Most on-line phone sex regulars have stumbled across Keen and Niteflirt now and then, if you haven’t, you can sign up HERE and I think you get 3 free minutes or something when you sign up. Your credit card is protected, etc. It’s a pool of independent sluts and a lot of unscrupulous stuff goes on. But, I’ve come to concede that there are some benefits in it for independents who want to protect their anonymity (and that of their clients) while not aligning with an independent billing company like I do. Obviously, I prefer my way, but to each their own.
Of course, I can’t list my recording for this story on Niteflirt proper because it contains *GASP* taboo sexuality. According to them, it’s so wrong to even think about incest and age play that, while I can promote it on my own and pimp the link to make money so they can suck up a healthy profit, I’m not permitted to corrupt their pure, sweet customers with my filth. *yawn* You know, if you’re going to make your money off phone sex and then get all Puritan about what people can and can’t talk about, you’re just existing to piss me off, in my opinion. We need to organize some porn guerilla warfare where a bunch of us get together and moon the Niteflirt offices so that they’ll lighten the fuck up. Who’s in?
Barring recordings, I’m going to go ahead and PIMP my most popular Slut Sisters so that I don’t have to keep manually answering the question “who do you think I should talk to when you’re not on?” in one email after the other. Pick your kink, boys:
Phone Sex Alternative #2: Slut Sisters Come in Five Fun Flavors
Shawna Phone sex Femme Dom extraordinaire. A professional IRL dominatrix who takes calls on the side. Oh…did I mention the medical training? Gotta love a girl that can break you and put you back together again after. She’s a work-a-holic like I used to be because she gets off on the job, so she’s signed in a lot.
Julia Sweet Southern Comfort phonesex with a taste for Daddy’s girl and age play. She plays sweetly in the late evenings and her voice is like a silky bowl of cream.
Shelby Mostly a phone sex slut of the daytime, not a vampire like me. Shelby is one of those barely-legal bad girls who’s in that stage where you want to just be naughty all over the place. Kinda like that thing you go through when you first start to get tits and you almost want to go around flashing them at everyone.
Susannah Definitely the phonesex MILF with the most requests and raving reviews. She’s on days and early evenings and, apparently does quite a number on guys by delivering a little bit of everything exactly the way they want it. Loves crossdressers and Mommy calls. Viva la difference!
Rose The phone sex weekend treat. Rose generally works the same shifts I do (although she works a lot of extra hours to boot). Being a red-hot Grandma (a fifty-something that wickedly passes for forty-something and gets off on it) means she delivers the goods on Mommy-son & Grandma roleplay. She’s a scandal, but god, she’s a hoot and a very dirty roaring good time that wants to be had by all.
Barring these favorites not being available, you can always ask who's available to play. That's part of what dispatchers are for.
Well, enough of that. Those are my working girl sisters and I’m happy to pimp ‘em, but there’s SO MUCH to catch up on.
So, how has the last 60 days been for you? Me? Oh. It’s been FUN.
Crazy Ivans and His Hurricane Ilk
I would like to say I am DONE officially with hurricane season. But there is another bugger out there -- Jeanne. And I can’t help but think it’s some kind of payback from the karma police for 2000. It’s got to be plastered all over an ancient wall somewhere in native languages long forgotten. “There shall be an election in a state shaped like a penis and the people will fuck it up. And the monkey will inherit the earth. And the earth shall spit itself in revenge four years after with slanted rains and twisting winds.” All Nostradamusy and brooding.
Boards on my windows. Boards off my windows. Computer unassembled. Computer reassembled. Or, in Homer Simpson speak “bed goes up, bed goes down, bed goes up, bed goes down.”
And when Crazy Ivan got done kissing the lips of Venezuela, and raping Jamaica, he dared me to ignore him and I blinked first. Hell outta Dodge, boys and girls. Not playin’ chicken with a hurricane. Nossir. Luckily the bastard kept inching West taunting, “Look, I’m waaaaaay over here. What are you worried about?” like a schoolyard bully who holds out your lunch money in the palm of his hand only to snatch it back and give you a wedgie when you reach for it. Lucy inevitably yanking up the football before Charlie Brown gets a kick. And he’s still fucking out there. Texas’ problem now, I say. Go West, young man.
Except now Jeanne doesn’t know what the hell she wants to add to the party and now I’m back in the thick of it. I repeat: what the FUCK is going on? It’s not like I’m living in Sodom and Gomorrah here. And if I am, I’m missing some serious perks. There are old people driving the wrong way on divided highways where I live. Sure, when I lived a breath away from South Beach I could understand being smitten down with all the sinners, but now I’m just an innocent little…
Oh wait. Hmmm. You don’t think it’s ME, do you? Could it be that I’ve opened some sort of rift in the phone sex time continuum and now this is the price? Maybe I’m endangering all the old people. Hold on! Does Ashcroft control the weather? Is he behind the curtain with Cancer Man making sure the Buffalo Bills don’t win a Superbowl and keeping Florida in ruins? Where are Fox and Scully when you need them?
Okay, so maybe I’m a little punch drunk. But I come by my smirking honestly. I earned the right to make hurricane blithe banter, so bite me. And by now I’ve gone over and over my “give to the Red Cross” spiel. If you haven’t gotten it by now, you ain’t gonna.
So, what’s next? Yes there are a thousand projects I should update people on, but fuck it. I’m in a phone slut kind of mood and I’m tired of being all doomsday. Let’s talk about jerking off.
(Yep, they call me Doxy Wringer, ladies and gentlefolk, “Queen of the Segue.” I’m here all night, don’t forget to try the veal and tip your waitrons well).
Cock Worship and Penis Porn
Actually, specifically, let’s talk about your friend and mine, the Penile Frenulum.
Technically, a frenulum (or frenum) is nothing but a membranous fold of skin or mucous membrane that supports or restricts the movement of a part or organ. Like that little flap beneath your tongue that tethers it to the bottom of your mouth. Like those little veiny-looking things on the hind wings of butterflies that hold the forewings and hind wings together during flight
On the human penis this is that little flap of flesh that attaches the foreskin to the penis proper on the underside of the glans.
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