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Friday - October 08, 2004
All’s Straight and Quiet on the Eastern Front
 
ANNOUNCING JACK HENSLEE’S MEMBERS-ONLY GALLERY

If, like me, you’ve missed the high-resolution delight of Jack’s work, he’s finally found a way to make them available and not go bankrupt from bandwidth costs. His new site includes a MESSAGE FROM THE ARTIST that is worth reading, as well as the entire library of Jack’s work (including some of the oldies that are SUCH goodies) in full, glorious high-resolution. The cost of joining is also WAY below general member sites ($10/month or less) so if you’re a Jack fan like me, this is the treat you’ve been waiting for.

So anyway, back to me. A week without a hurricane is a delightful thing. Between the volcanoes, hurricanes and earthquakes I’m starting to think the US is currently operating out of a severe karma deficit. But let’s not talk politics ;-)

It would appear that the cock-worshipping whore in me wasn’t going to be happy until she penned a cock-worshipping tale. So, The Animal has been added to the Erotic Writings section. Barring any new disasters I’ll be able to get back to reading my selections aloud for recordings and I’ll have more up for listening soon. In the meantime, The Sins of the Father is the only recording available. I’ve gotten some nice feedback about the quality of the story and the level of the recording, but I’d like to hear about any negatives as well – any objections to recordings, or feelings that the prices aren’t valid, etc. This idea is new, so I’m open to all viewpoints.

October is one of my favorite months, probably because I am a costume slut who never stopped wanting to play dress up as a little girl. And, so a shameless plug for my favorite shop:

Three Wishes Lingerie: They’re stuff’s so good it’s criminal ;-) I know. Pun Police. But I had to.

Oh, and I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention that Todd over at Molehill.org had a lovely entry regarding Sara Rue and her *twins* recently. Now, I’m a natural breasts girl – I don’t care if they’re a-cups and all-nipple so long as they’re real. But when they’re real AND big…unghhh. 

Speaking of which I’ve been getting a lot of mail regarding my sexual orientation – a recent email basically theorized that the “cock worshipping whore” entry was a “the lady doth protest too much” guise to hide my girl-girl inclinations. Which is funny, because while I love to look at girl porn and I do think about sucking on the occasional Monica Belluci twat, I am fundamentally a “insert Tab A into Slot B” gal.

But see, there just isn’t good guy porn (a lament that I bemoan loudly and long) and so, when I was in the midst of my oh-so-impressionable formative sexual years, the only thing I had to look at was girl porn. Not the spread-eagle close-up gynecologist stuff that floods the market now, but the tastefully erotic au naturale stuff that used to fill “gentleman’s magazines.” Seeing a woman nekkid was stimulating, just like looking at myself in the mirror and touching myself was stimulating. 

Many people don’t understand why a great number of women (and men, for that matter) fantasize about being younger in their sexual fantasies or how they can identify anything sexual in pre-pubescence. It feels creepy to some people that I want to be twelve and forced to suck a wicked step-father’s cock in my fantasies. But just like Hannibal Lector teaches Starling about how we learn to covet – our sexual fantasies don’t generally spring from complicated sources – they evolve from what we know.

So, if we were young when we first became sexually aware, we tend to identify with youth as a sexually stimulating element. Personally I began masturbating at a pre-pubescent age and we won’t get into the games I played with boys at what ages. Far from being warped, I consider my occasional fantasies of being young and sexual to be natural. This doesn’t mean I fantasize about having sex with children – although I firmly believe that is just as simple and natural in FANTASY – but that I sexualize my own identity as a child. In my fantasies I am a variety of ages, but then I’ve always had a very erotic playground of a mind and extremely explicit dream REMs which I’ve discovered to be uncommon in the public at large.

At any rate, I don’t want to get into another round of how I believe anything in fantasy is okay because I’m not anxious to get another influx of email telling me that I’m sick to allow people to vocalize perverse fantasies of rape, incest and underage role play. However, I will go that extra mile of explaining that incest is also a natural fantasy. When we become sexually aware as young children, the most significant relationships in our life of the opposite sex is often family. And we covet what we know. 

Yes, children are things to be protected. Yes, there is an instinct of decency that keeps most of us from preying upon sexual innocence. I’m not debating that. I don’t want to have sex with children, nor do I believe do the vast majority of the men I speak with (I’d say all, but I’m not comfortable speaking in absolutes). But many of the men I speak with (and women I know) identify themselves as child-like in their own sexual fantasies, or identify with child-like characters in their own minds. But, just like there is a difference between fantasizing about what it would be like to push your boss down the stairs and actually doing it, there is a difference between fantasizing about something sexual with a youthful counterpart and actually acting on it.

So, don’t get me wrong. I think Freud has flaws, but I don’t think he was 100% wrong. I never wanted to fuck my father, although I spent a lot of time saddling up atop father figures. But I think there is merit in the fact that we’re sexually AWARE of things far younger than we allow ourselves to remember, and some people suppress it and others explore it, and both sides have fantasies about it. 

The rape and mind-control fantasies are a whole other issue, and one that isn’t important for this train of thought, so let’s table that. 

How did I develop my zeal for girl-crushes? I coveted what I knew: what there was to covet, and that was the luxurious bodies of women like Debra Jo Fondren, Marilyn Cole, Susan Miller, and Deanna Baker.

Click images to enlarge

What was not to like? How could you not want to touch and nibble on anything made to look that silken and succulent?

Yes, I got older and learned about the sacrifice and the downside of adoring the female form. I expanded my personal definitions of what is attractive and incorporated what some see as flaws as sexual perks. I leaned to not just tolerate, but to appreciate and desire a variety of male and female bodies. So I can lust after scrawny little sluts and voluptuous vixens – hard-body hunks, stocky shy boys, and divine “dirty old men.” But I never forgot touching myself in front of my bedroom mirror and being fascinated with my own body and the bodies of women. Yes, I still enjoy the touch, taste, and feel of my own body and the bodies of other women. No, I’m not ready to hitch my star to that particular wagon. 

I don’t even really identify as being bisexual, because to me, being bisexual is to have no preference, and being a lesbian is having a decidedly female preference. But when all the chips are on the table I crave dick and my only relationship inclinations lean decidedly male. So, there you have it. I don’t think I’d make an all that terrible lesbian, nor do I balk at the concept, but I just don’t get as jazzed by the idea of getting sucked on like I do at the thought of being fucked so hard I can’t walk. And fisting just sounds like it would have to be extraordinarily painful. 

I hope this clears things up because I’m not going to stop posting about my girl crushes, but I’m neither trying to pose as a lipstick lesbian, nor attempting to cover up a girl preference by rambling about cock.

A pussy should not mean, but be, folks. Girl porn is pretty and I’m a prissy slut. Let’s leave it there. 

Although I reserve the right to revise this if good guy porn is ever invented, or if Monica Belluci shows up on my doorstep dressed in nothing but a red ribbon.