Tuesday - October 26, 2004
Stranded House Sitting
Generally I house-sit for friends once a year in October. Gents, ladies, the regulars, and friends all know this. It’s an annual obligation I maintain for a couple who, frankly, needs to stop buying pets and just have a kid already.
However, from now until November 1st, your friendly neighborhood phone slut will be out of her element, lounging by the pool, trying to figure out why anyone keeps tofu in the fridge beyond a few days (it’s not even silken for god’s sake) and acting as caretaker for wild kingdom (5 dogs, 2 cats, 1 fifty gallon fish tank full of fish). The things we do for friends…
Ordinarily I’d just consider this vacation time and work on my tan, but Hurricane, Inc. has cut into my time with my regulars and my paycheck for the last two months, so a working girl I am and a working girl I shall ever be.
I will be signing in off and on this entire week, but I will be taking call-backs-only from now through November 2nd. Those of you who have been regulars for a while remember the drill – you call, place your order with the dispatcher, she calls me and I call you back after I’ve had a chance to put things in order so that I can focus on *you*. I know the direct-connect thing has been a welcome treat for many of you, but I’m stranded here with a single landline and it isn’t in the room with the pool or the 68-inch TV, so if you think I’m going to sit by the phone and read like a good girl when there’s sunshine and Hitchcock DVDs in full screen Technicolor, you’re out of your mind.
Also, if you’re going to call this week, you need to appreciate the fact that there is going to be barking in the background, so if that’s a mood killer for you, you may want to wait a week. There are 5 dogs here (including my single, overwhelmed little whipper snapper who is having more play date time than he knows what to do with) so if a butterfly lands on a leaf outside, they bark. And they do it with gusto.
Alternately, you might want to try one of my sister sluts, or pressure cook up a yummy batch of sexual tension to exploit next week. But if you want to play dirty while I’m laying in a stranger’s bed in a strange place, heed my disclaimer, please, and don’t get cranky when a deep-throated orgasm is followed up with a chorus of vigorous yapping.
Incidentally, if you’re up for a laugh of the sensual persuasion, you’re going to love LIE GIRLS. Breathy little sluts doling out “Weapons of Mass Seduction.” It’s a skit from The Daily Show with a hard-on.
(in exile)
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