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So, you wanna be a phone slut, eh?
First of all, know now that most of my information on this page will only address the types of services that hire phone sluts who work from their homes. I'm sure there is a phone slut out there somewhere who likes working in a phone sex sweatshop and more power to her. I won't promote what you could never pay me enough to do.
Many women think about the perks of phoneslutdom and half-heartedly consider dabbling in it for fun and extra income. After all, you work from home and you make wads of cash for just moaning into the receiver, right?
Sorry, cupcake, this ain't the Ice Capades.
Contrary to popular belief, phone sex is work. Real work. Work that requires you to use your head, be organized, and make a few sacrifices here and there. It isn't for loafers, dabblers, or morons.
Okay, yes, it can be fun, it's certainly convenient, and it can be one hell of an ego rush - but don't think that translates to EASY.
If you're really thinking about being a phone slut - or you're just curious about the biz, here's some straight-up 411.
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The Mindset
Not everyone has the mental perversion and discipline to be ready to talk about explicit sex every day at the drop of a hat. There are going to be days when your mind just isn't in it - days when you could care less that some crotch-yanking Neanderthal wants to fuck his mother.
But even if you'd rather be getting a skin graft with a rusty curling iron, you still have to be able to sell it. You have to sound interested. You have to be able to focus on being intuitive to what the john wants and matching it up with your imagination - or stock fantasies. You have to be able to sound interested, even when you're not.
Plus, you have to be ready to be shocked. You have to be ready for the sweet johns and the sick johns and all the johns in-between. Every call could be the one you hate - or the one you always look forward to. If you want to be successful you have to be ready to talk about the spectrum at all times. There are no convenient headaches - you're ALWAYS in the mood.
Another thing you have to understand is that it's a JOB. You have to commit to it like you would a 9 to 5 gig at an office with florescent lighting. You have to stick to your schedule, manage your time, keep up on your paperwork, etc.
Finally, you really have to be able to have fun with it. You have to be comfortable with sex. You have to see the humor in the sickos. You have to get a little hot from the studs. You have to be ready to play with the naughty boys, or else they're going to know you're really the stuck-up girl from down the street in disguise and all you'll end up with is a snowball in the ear.
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The Lifestyle
When you work phone sex there is one fact you can't sugarcoat or dodge: you are a sex-industry worker. That's right. Maybe you're not deep-throating John Holmes ala Marilyn Chambers and maybe you're not wagging your ass in the Red Light District, but you are a SIP (Sex Industry Professional).
And, going in, you need to decide something - either you're in the closet or you're out. No doubt about it, SIPs who are open about their lifestyle face discrimination, personal attack, and in some cases, legal action. But, there is a certain comfort in the fact that they are true to themselves - there's no duality to contend with from within.
The much safer option - that of remaining in the closet - is my personal choice. Yeah, whatever, maybe I'm chickenshit, but I've got a few comfy pillows on the floor, a nice pretty shade of pink on the walls and a picnic hamper full of snacks. There are worse places than the closet.
This way I don't have to contend with the Freudian nightmare of explaining to my parents that I work in the sex industry and talk to men as they beat off to scat stories. It means if I end up in a relationship with a man or woman who has some manner of professional life they won't be confronted at their workplace with pictures of my exposed twat. It also means that any nutcases from the radical right are going to have to buckle down and do a shitload of homework before they can effectively fuck with me.
Regardless of if you're in the closet or not, you're going to get lopped in with some pretty unsavory characters. It doesn't matter if you're just as disgusted by the piss-guzzling pimps in Thailand who sell five year olds into sexual slavery - you'll be considered on the same level as those reprobates by right-wing morons. You'll automatically be considered the lowest common denominator by people like the ones who voted for the current administration.
Oh - and people will expect that you'll do anything for a buck.
The good news is that most of the SIPs I know are accepting good eggs on the whole. There is an understanding that sex is the oldest profession and business can really be just business. Also there is a common belief that "your perversion is no worse than my perversion." Although, let's face it, we all have limits.
Just like anywhere else, you have the skanks and assholes, the sharks and schemers. You have the people who give the industry a bad name (stop laughing, I mean it). But, it's not all like that. You also have the people willing to do a good turn - those who will help and encourage you. Sure, part of that is because if you do well, they're hoping to be able to call upon a favor down the line, but that's true of any business associations. The only difference is that it's crotch-scratching instead of back-scratching. And, okay, the industry parties and get-togethers are a little different from your customary corporate affairs.
If you're in the closet like me, though, you're going to have to be creative with explanations. You're going to have to lie and be comfortable with those lies. You're going to have make up plausible excuses to your family, your friends, your accountant, your neighbors, and pretty much everyone who doesn't know. And if you get found out, it could have some pretty unhappy implications about trust and truth and all that jazz.
I always just remind myself it could be worse - I could be a republican.
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The $ Money
Yes you little phone slut wannabes. I know this is the part you jumped to first.
Whores - all of us.
First of all, you know those advertisements about making thousands of dollars a week? Forget them. It's bunk. Being a phone slut will not get you that dream house in the Caribbean.
But, it will make you a decent living. If you put in the hours and the effort, you can live very comfortably off the monies you'll generate. It all depends on what kind of time and energy you're willing to devote - oh, and how fucking good you are at it.
If you're working for a reputable service, you'll get a standard per-minute rate. If not, you're getting shafted (see Beware below). So you have a per-minute rate that should be at least 25% of the charge rate and which should offer incentives for longer calls and personal requests. So, a service that charges, say $1.50 a call might have a base of $.40 per minute. The percentage might vary here and there, but that should give you a good base.
Most will provide you with a code or reimbursement procedure for long distance charges. If they require you to pay for long distance, then the pay rate should be higher to accommodate. Of course, this isn't an issue for services that only feature direct-connect.
So, let's say you work for a service which is modestly successful and that offers $.40 a minute. If you can devote about 50 log-in hours or more a week, that will comfortably gross you a base of $200 a week. It's important to note that log-in hours are not talk hours - you might go three hours without a call and then talk for an hour and a half straight. I always figure 10 minutes talk time per log-on hour as my base.
Now, $200 a week is pretty much below the poverty level, so obviously if an intelligent gal such as myself is doing this, there is something more.
Incentives, requests, and tips. This is where you'll be made or broken. This is how you'll know if you're good. Many Grade-A Johns like to talk to the same girl over and over if he likes her. They can be a very dependable source of income. Girls who get requests get fed more calls by the service dispatcher (this is because they often work on commission, too, so the more you make, the more they make). If you're going to make any kind of money in this job, it will be from this source - incentives, requests, and tips.
There are no cash bonuses for the second-rate.
With cash bonuses, that $200 a week can go to $500+ easy. Get a couple johns who tip $10 or $20 a call and making a living gets a lot easier. And the sky is as easily the limit as the floor. Some generous freak could call and leave you a $200 tip for one call. A few of your regulars could go on vacation or disappear and you're scrambling.
It isn't for the faint of heart. Dems the breaks when you're your own boss.
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Ambiance
I've heard some phone sluts claim to work a john while doing housework or sitting in the living room watching The Price is Right.
Aside from the skank factor of that kind of thing, there is a serious toll distractions will exact from your focus. It is significantly harder to give a john your full attention when you're worrying about beating the high score on Tetris.
There is also a need to separate your workspace from your living space. Not only is it something that helps you with tax-exemption definitions, but there are psychological reasons as well. You are not your job and you need to be able to get away from it and have an identity without it. This is easy when you work in an office. You go home and you're away from that working environment. It gets tricky when you work from home.
Have an area set aside - a spare bedroom or other location - where you can make your calls and keep your equipment. It should be a quiet room where you'll never hear or be heard by children. It should be comfortable and readily accessible - and quiet, Quiet, QUIET. You can also take some time and effort to create an atmosphere - candles and erotic art - a place that puts you into the mood easier.
It should be a place with a door you can close (and lock) as need be.
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Tools o' The Trade
If you're going to be a phone slut, there are some items you'll just need.
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A good phone. Maybe six of them. At least one of them should be a cordless headset variety for the long calls where you're going to need to get up and stretch a little. It should also have a privacy/mute feature so that you can cough or sneeze without breaking the mood, and programmable dialing so that you don't have to enter your codes over and over.
A good stopwatch. It's just easier than trying to figure out "okay, I started at 10:24 and hung up at…"
A method for taking accurate records. The two more popular mediums are computer databases and index cards. This will not only help you to track your time and payroll, it will help you keep up a more personal relationship with repeat johns. You'd be shocked how ego-fulfilled the morons will be when you appear to remember them.
Sound effects devices. All phone sluts have their own items that work. Here are a few examples:
a. Vibrators - the guys are going to want to hear them from time to time. If you own one or buy a real one that's cool. I know women who use electric razors, beepers or cell phones on vibrate mode, and any number of other objects to emulate the sound.
b. Lubricant - some of the johns are going to want to hear how wet your pussy is. Yes, I'm serious. Some nice hand lotion or baby oil on your fingers as you wiggle a finger or two in and out of a clenched fist will give the same effect, however.
c. The Bathroom Buddies - Scat Johns especially will beg to hear you pee or perform other acts of bodily function. Over time you may or may not have an objection to actually doing it. But, pouring a cup of water slowly into the toilet will give pretty much the same effect as will dropping a small water balloon for *ahem* the other sound.
d. High Heels - have a floppy, clicky pair of heels somewhere near a tile or wooden floor area. If the whole house is carpeted and you don't feel comfortable walking in the bathroom, then just have a small piece of plywood on the floor nearby. Your foot fetish johns will go ga-ga over it.
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Training
It depends on the service, but you really aren't going to get a lot of direction or training, so don't expect it. It's pretty much a sink or swim type of operation. However, it is reasonable to ask if you can listen on for a call or two just to get a feel for things if you've had no experience with them. If you've never done Dom calls, for example, and you want to hear how one goes before tackling one, it never hurts to ask if someone will let you listen. Keep in mind this is a VERY generous gesture on the part of the phone slut who is letting you listen in because, effectively, you're her competition - so, be grateful for that sort of good turn.
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Personal Safety
Learn to guard your privacy. *67 blocks your Caller ID being read - USE IT ON EVERY CALL. Don't reveal too many specifics about where you live. Don't agree to meet johns. If a john wants to send you something, refer him to the PO Box used by the service you work for. Most of them will be happy to forward things on. Remember that, outwardly, Ted Bundy seemed perfectly fine to most people. Also remember that YOU are not your job - but that is how the johns will perceive you. There's a reason serial killers go after hookers - they lift out of society easy and they're regarded as rental services not people.
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Beware
Watch out for services that require too much from you right off the bat. Some of these pimps want you to spend hours online picking up johns on AOL and internet chat rooms and trying to get them to call. Trust me, you'll never make a living by that method - there are too many bored housewives and shut-ins willing to give it away for free.
A reputable service doesn't make you go out and stand on cyber street corners - they bring the johns to you. They advertise all over the internet and in skin mags and other places and have an established client base as well.
Some services may or may not require you to have a separate phone line for business purposes - that is not outside the norm. Some require you to have your own 800# number and while that is certainly to your benefit, it just isn't necessary.
Watch out for services that require too much footwork on your part and too many start-up costs. And, if they ever tell you that you have to pay them for some kind of deposit or training or anything like that - discontinue with them entirely. Scams in this business work both ways - against the johns AND the phone sluts.
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