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Friday - October 08, 2004
Allís Straight and Quiet on the Eastern Front
ANNOUNCING JACK HENSLEEíS MEMBERS-ONLY GALLERY
If, like me, youíve missed the high-resolution delight of Jackís work, heís finally found a way to make them available and not go bankrupt from bandwidth costs. His new site includes a MESSAGE FROM THE ARTIST that is worth reading, as well as the entire library of Jackís work (including some of the oldies that are SUCH goodies) in full, glorious high-resolution. The cost of joining is also WAY below general member sites ($10/month or less) so if youíre a Jack fan like me, this is the treat youíve been waiting for.
So anyway, back to me. A week without a hurricane is a delightful thing. Between the volcanoes, hurricanes and earthquakes Iím starting to think the US is currently operating out of a severe karma deficit. But letís not talk politics ;-)
It would appear that the cock-worshipping whore in me wasnít going to be happy until she penned a cock-worshipping tale. So, The Animal has been added to the Erotic Writings section. Barring any new disasters Iíll be able to get back to reading my selections aloud for recordings and Iíll have more up for listening soon. In the meantime, The Sins of the Father is the only recording available. Iíve gotten some nice feedback about the quality of the story and the level of the recording, but Iíd like to hear about any negatives as well Ė any objections to recordings, or feelings that the prices arenít valid, etc. This idea is new, so Iím open to all viewpoints.
October is one of my favorite months, probably because I am a costume slut who never stopped wanting to play dress up as a little girl. And, so a shameless plug for my favorite shop:
Three Wishes Lingerie: Theyíre stuffís so good itís criminal ;-) I know. Pun Police. But I had to.
Oh, and Iíd be remiss if I didnít mention that Todd over at Molehill.org had a lovely entry regarding Sara Rue and her *twins* recently. Now, Iím a natural breasts girl Ė I donít care if theyíre a-cups and all-nipple so long as theyíre real. But when theyíre real AND bigÖunghhh.
Speaking of which Iíve been getting a lot of mail regarding my sexual orientation Ė a recent email basically theorized that the ďcock worshipping whoreĒ entry was a ďthe lady doth protest too muchĒ guise to hide my girl-girl inclinations. Which is funny, because while I love to look at girl porn and I do think about sucking on the occasional Monica Belluci twat, I am fundamentally a ďinsert Tab A into Slot BĒ gal.
But see, there just isnít good guy porn (a lament that I bemoan loudly and long) and so, when I was in the midst of my oh-so-impressionable formative sexual years, the only thing I had to look at was girl porn. Not the spread-eagle close-up gynecologist stuff that floods the market now, but the tastefully erotic au naturale stuff that used to fill ďgentlemanís magazines.Ē Seeing a woman nekkid was stimulating, just like looking at myself in the mirror and touching myself was stimulating.
Many people donít understand why a great number of women (and men, for that matter) fantasize about being younger in their sexual fantasies or how they can identify anything sexual in pre-pubescence. It feels creepy to some people that I want to be twelve and forced to suck a wicked step-fatherís cock in my fantasies. But just like Hannibal Lector teaches Starling about how we learn to covet Ė our sexual fantasies donít generally spring from complicated sources Ė they evolve from what we know.
So, if we were young when we first became sexually aware, we tend to identify with youth as a sexually stimulating element. Personally I began masturbating at a pre-pubescent age and we wonít get into the games I played with boys at what ages. Far from being warped, I consider my occasional fantasies of being young and sexual to be natural. This doesnít mean I fantasize about having sex with children Ė although I firmly believe that is just as simple and natural in FANTASY Ė but that I sexualize my own identity as a child. In my fantasies I am a variety of ages, but then Iíve always had a very erotic playground of a mind and extremely explicit dream REMs which Iíve discovered to be uncommon in the public at large.
At any rate, I donít want to get into another round of how I believe anything in fantasy is okay because Iím not anxious to get another influx of email telling me that Iím sick to allow people to vocalize perverse fantasies of rape, incest and underage role play. However, I will go that extra mile of explaining that incest is also a natural fantasy. When we become sexually aware as young children, the most significant relationships in our life of the opposite sex is often family. And we covet what we know.
Yes, children are things to be protected. Yes, there is an instinct of decency that keeps most of us from preying upon sexual innocence. Iím not debating that. I donít want to have sex with children, nor do I believe do the vast majority of the men I speak with (Iíd say all, but Iím not comfortable speaking in absolutes). But many of the men I speak with (and women I know) identify themselves as child-like in their own sexual fantasies, or identify with child-like characters in their own minds. But, just like there is a difference between fantasizing about what it would be like to push your boss down the stairs and actually doing it, there is a difference between fantasizing about something sexual with a youthful counterpart and actually acting on it.
So, donít get me wrong. I think Freud has flaws, but I donít think he was 100% wrong. I never wanted to fuck my father, although I spent a lot of time saddling up atop father figures. But I think there is merit in the fact that weíre sexually AWARE of things far younger than we allow ourselves to remember, and some people suppress it and others explore it, and both sides have fantasies about it.
The rape and mind-control fantasies are a whole other issue, and one that isnít important for this train of thought, so letís table that.
How did I develop my zeal for girl-crushes? I coveted what I knew: what there was to covet, and that was the luxurious bodies of women like Debra Jo Fondren, Marilyn Cole, Susan Miller, and Deanna Baker.
Click images to enlarge
What was not to like? How could you not want to touch and nibble on anything made to look that silken and succulent?
Yes, I got older and learned about the sacrifice and the downside of adoring the female form. I expanded my personal definitions of what is attractive and incorporated what some see as flaws as sexual perks. I leaned to not just tolerate, but to appreciate and desire a variety of male and female bodies. So I can lust after scrawny little sluts and voluptuous vixens Ė hard-body hunks, stocky shy boys, and divine ďdirty old men.Ē But I never forgot touching myself in front of my bedroom mirror and being fascinated with my own body and the bodies of women. Yes, I still enjoy the touch, taste, and feel of my own body and the bodies of other women. No, Iím not ready to hitch my star to that particular wagon.
I donít even really identify as being bisexual, because to me, being bisexual is to have no preference, and being a lesbian is having a decidedly female preference. But when all the chips are on the table I crave dick and my only relationship inclinations lean decidedly male. So, there you have it. I donít think Iíd make an all that terrible lesbian, nor do I balk at the concept, but I just donít get as jazzed by the idea of getting sucked on like I do at the thought of being fucked so hard I canít walk. And fisting just sounds like it would have to be extraordinarily painful.
I hope this clears things up because Iím not going to stop posting about my girl crushes, but Iím neither trying to pose as a lipstick lesbian, nor attempting to cover up a girl preference by rambling about cock.
A pussy should not mean, but be, folks. Girl porn is pretty and Iím a prissy slut. Letís leave it there.
Although I reserve the right to revise this if good guy porn is ever invented, or if Monica Belluci shows up on my doorstep dressed in nothing but a red ribbon.