Friday - May 08, 2003
Grade A MIA

I have lost a Grade-A John. I've checked everywhere. Under the couch, behind the desk, in the junk drawer.

Don't get me wrong…it happens. But generally, it happens with some warning.

The relationship between a phone slut and a Grade-A John is tentative, and it largely depends on the guy. There are so many different kinds and reasons. First of all, they are always guys who have the money and inclination to back their fetish with cash. So, that can be daunting. Because a hefty, steady income is often enough to make you double-think you usual practice of business. Which is, in my experience, almost always a mistake, but one that newbie phone sluts make honestly and often. In the instance where a phone slut works for a service, it's also the #1 temptation that makes a girl backstab a company and go off on her own with the said income source in tow. Judgmental ideas aside, burning bridges that bad is never a good idea.

Other big spenders get off on the art of the head trip. They are the Hannibal Lectors of phone sex (without all that messy eating people stuff). They want to convince you to do something you wouldn't normally do. They want to mess with your head. They are intense and exhausting and as soon as they're done batting at their proverbial hamster, they dash off to chase a new ball of string. But hey -- at least they leave cash in their wake.

Still others are lonely guys with deep pockets who entertain the fantasy that their intercourse with a phone slut could potentially lead to something. Eeek.

But there are those few -- those guys who know they have a fetish, who enjoy and embrace it, and who really aren't looking for anything more than the good time they are paying for. They are a delight and you can get into some fascinating role play and exploration with these guys.

I'm not exactly sure which category to put Strongarm DeSinn into. On one level he was a pretty standard submissive with feminization issues. On the other hand, nothing about him was usual.

Strongarm was a very passive-aggressive submissive. In other words - he wanted to be abused and humiliated, but in a very backhanded way (also called topping from the bottom). He also wanted to worship and adore me, but would have moments of non-submissive lucidity where he enjoyed pointing out my place and my profession.

If you are a phone slut unfamiliar with the term chrematistophilia you should do a little research. Most specifically, chrematistophilia is a sexual taboo specified as achieving sexual arousal from being forced to pay for sexual services, or being robbed and/or exploited by a sexual partner for a sex act, especially in a humiliating manner. And when I use the term rob, I mean in a psychological, not physical sense, so don't confuse it with harpaxophilia - which is sexual excitement stemming from being physically robbed as in a burglary or mugging.

Understanding what chrematistophilia is helps you to understand that for guys with with this fetish, phone sex is fundamental to fulfillment. Unless they're in Vegas, trying to fulfill it in the flesh with a hooker is illegal and often dangerous. So, phone sex gives them the trill without the threat. And there are guys willing to pay for their phone sex / chrematistophilia fetish just like there are guys willing to shell out thousands for their favorite Star Trek paraphernalia, Grateful Dead bootlegs, or velvet Elvis paintings.

But anyway, this is all just so much rambling. The fact is that Johns, much as I enjoy attempting to classify them are all individuals, and Grade-A Johns are the most individual of the bunch (or perhaps they just seem so because we spend so much more time talking to them than the average john).

When the relationship ends between a phone slut and a GAJ, it can happen in many ways. For me, I don't lose them often. When I do, it is for one of two reasons:

A) They wanted to extend the boundaries of the relationship to a real-life 
     encounter and, well, I'm just not going there; or
B) They wanted to monopolize too much of my time. And, while I find that   
     flattering, I do have other clients who have needs, and I myself need at   
     least a little "me" time. When you give in to a John 100%, and he starts 
     feeling like he owns you, you're not playing with boundaries and it will drag 
     you down in the end.

In both of these cases, however, there is generally a warning period where I can know and anticipate what is on the way and resolve the relationship on a positive note. I have no desire to part with any john on a negative note OR to be left just wondering whatever happened to them. Please remember that unlike regular johns, Grade-As often call three or more times a week. You spend hours talking to them. You learn about their histories and their lives.

I have never had a Grade-A John just up and disappear before (especially a submissive with chrematistophilia tattooed all over his psyche).  However, I've reached my maximum number of unreturned messages (personally I say that if a person has ignored five attempts at contact, anything more becomes borderline stalking).

So Strongarm DeSinn is AWOL and may remain so forever. It's a funny sort of thing. Sure, I miss the income. I definitely have concerns about his welfare. I could call his work and/or home but that really isn't my place and I'm not inclined to do so.

The most likely scenario is not that he died some tragic death, but that he moved on to another phone slut (or returned to a previous one) for any one of a hundred reasons. So I will think of him often for a time, then less and less, and finally not at all. Either the mystery of his sudden departure will be solved one day…or it won't. There isn't a lot to be done about it.

But I figured it probably made for interesting reading.


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