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Tuesday - September 16, 2003
On Periodic Entries & Periodicals

Yes, it’s me. Back again so soon. 

Don’t get sloppy wet panties it’s NOTHING you should get used to. 

Truthfully, there have been a few alterations to the site that I felt were inappropriate for the last entry, and I had a few news bites / ramblings I figured I’d mutter about for a few paragraphs.

Before going into my brief notes that will doubtless morph into rants, I have to offer a blanket apology to anyone that has written to me in the last month or so. While I was not infected with the SoBig virus, apparently many people that have me on their mailing lists were. In the fury of deleting, I may have thrown some babes out with the bath water. If you wrote me a note and haven't heard from me, it is possible it got deleted and I sincerely apologize. Especially because I got so many kind notes regarding my last entry, and so many of you let me know you were actually making a donation to the Red Cross. I thank you, and I know that wherever (a thankfully weakened) Isabel hits on Thursday/Friday, those people who get aid would thank you, too.

Also, if any of you are wandering by a newsstand in the next month or so and happen to scrounge up a copy of Complete Woman magazine, you'll find an article entitled “How I Failed At Phone Sex” by one Giordana Segneri. Apparently Giordana (alias “Aviva”) took some sort of phonesex class at the Discovery Center in Chicago. I honestly can't even begin to IMAGINE what that’s all about. It was neither a positive nor negative article, but just a fun little romp in someone else’s marabou slippers and Ms. Segneri poses adorable with her telephone in the art that accompanies the copy. Of course, they included a little side bit with quotes from young women who couldn't ever POSSIBLY think of becoming phonesex sluts and from strapping young men who've NEVER tried anything like phone sex before, but you know, that’s to be expected.

Without diverging too far off the point, tho, I have to comment that I found Complete Woman magazine somewhat offensive. Judging by their cover stories, a Complete Woman gal aims to look like Jessica Simpson, craves the “how to” on something called “man melting” and would find things like “speed flirting” and “cocktail seduction” appealing. I'm not kidding. Here are the actual teasers on the cover:

1. SEXY MOVES - Wow Him Tonight With These Ultra-Hot Lovemaking Surprises
2. Cocktail Seduction - Yum, Yum Recipes He'll Positively Love
3. 50 Things He Wants You To Know About Him
4. Jessica Simpson Red Hot, Right Now (The picture of Jessica could make the cover of Playboy, I might add)
5. First-Time Sex Fears Yes, You Can Overcome Them
6. SPEED FLIRTING! Mesmerize Any Guy In Seconds
7. “WE MAKE STARS GORGEOUS” Celebrity Beauty Experts Tell All
8. Unleash Your Inner Goddess Be The Sensuous Babe Every Man Wants
9. GUY SPY Learn Everything About Him Before It’s Too Late
10. BOYS OF SUMMER Super Hotties Play Ball & Share Their Intimate Thoughts

Now, to be fair I am not a magazine reader. But, what the fuck is all this about? Can a publication actually make money doing nothing but re-iterating to a woman that she has to be constantly sexy (for “him”) which means focusing on what “he” wants and being a slave to the maintenance of the physical? I mean, okay, *I* am a prissy slut but come ON. And the soulless drone who somehow connected “inner goddess” to being a man’s sex vision so needs to turn in her membership card to the sisterhood. I didn’t read beyond a couple mostly vapid articles, but I flipped through a lot of glamour celebrity shots, models (nearly all white and under the age of 25) pretending to be regular people, and advertisements that made me want to weep. When I hear people complaining that the Internet is the end of the periodical industry, I get little pangs in my belly but those are for Yellow Silk, Fade In:, Rolling Stone, Playboy, Scientific American, and LIFE. However, if losing those means also dropping a few dozen Complete Woman evils along the way, I’m all for progress. But get my girl Giordana a job writing for The Onion or something first. She’s sassy and she doesn’t deserve to go down with that ship. 

I digressed, didn't I? Oh well, if you’re not used to me by now…

In site-related news, you may have noticed that the Shopping Area is back sort of. This isn't the same store where the moi would hand package your yummy sex toys and ship them out. This is an affiliate program. However, I *did* spend an awful lot of time picking out things either I personally own, or have played with. I'm in the process of writing reviews for each of the items, but let’s just not hold our breath for those, shall we? Also, I've listed a few Amazon “essentials” for sluts and folks including some books on phone sex and my favorite phones and lifesaving (or, rather, throat-saving) items. 

Last (but never, EVER least) you'll find my favorite selections of Jack Henslee prints. My loyal readers were fabulous enough to buy me ALL the prints I whimpered for in THIS ENTRY. In addition to Jack’s latest and greatest, you'll also find a Phone Slut Diary exclusive print entitled “Phone Sex.”

No, you cannot have the original because it’s hanging in *my* bedroom with Dita's sultry eyes watching me anytime I feel like “performing” for her. Have I mentioned how much I want to suck on that corset-clad wench? I find it highly unfair that Marilyn Manson gets to fuck her. We should be allowed to take turns. If she’s going to look like a burlesque wet dream then she should be willing to do some community service and that means letting me suck on her for at least a week. Maybe more.

Yeah, I know. But I can dream, can't I?

There is also a new combination service listed in Services To Work For. I recently had the pleasure of talking to Jenny from JPS Enterprises and I found her to be a classy, straight-forward dame. She’s also one of the few owners I've spoken with that is willing to really give you a chance and some quality training, if she feels you’re really investing in the job.

Also for those of your finding yourselves sans credit card, or worried about what your significant other is going to say when she sees an unexplained charge on the credit card, there is a new Pay By Check option available from ProBilling.

That would appear to be all for now. Except to say to a special John that knows who he is, MY Dolphins bitch-slapped YOUR Jets in the Meadowlands for the first time since Marino pulled his little fake-spike / touchdown to Mark Ingram maneuver back in 1994. Neener Neener Neener.

This is something that ALMOST makes up for losing the season opener to the fucking TEXANS at home. AT HOME! THE TEXANS! Jesus wept. Okay, maybe I'm not *quite* over it.

Also the new Survivor is starting. So, you know, after all that moral superiority about an evil femme-brainwashing mag, I'm excited about a “reality” TV show.

At least I didn't mention politics.

Draft Wesley Clark
Draft Wesley Clark
Draft Wesley Clark
Draft Wesley Clark


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