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Saturday, April 13, 2002

O Where, O Where Has My Phone Slut Gone...

Well, it`s my birthday. Yay me. And how am I spending the first wee hours?

Updating this damn diary. Boo me.

Of course the reason for this is because I was in the process of updating earlier today when we had the thunderstorm from hell and my access provider decided to go out for a few hours. So, instead of being 10 days and roughly 15 hours between updates, it WOULD have been 10 days and 10 hours. Once more - boo me.

I`d love to say I`ve been partying in the Bahamas for a week and a half, but we all know better. Life has simply gotten in the way. However, please allow me to begin this entry with the now traditional phone slut apology.

I`m sorry, I`m sorry, I`m sorry. I don`t deserve to moan. I should have my slut privileges revoked. Et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. (Said in best Yul Brynner impersonation)

First there is a new Retro Raunch Fetish Gallery Tour for your viewing pleasure. There is also a Products Review page. More on this later as I ramble and justify myself.

Hmmm. Let`s stall on that. New topic. The job?

Well there is a new contender for the Hall of Fame. I haven`t quite decided yet. I`m wavering.

You`d have to work in the business to understand how unique a john has to be for you to look forward to the next call. And, let me be clear here - with some johns the reason I`d look forward to the call would be the sounds of cha-ching that echo through my mind the moment the dispatcher recites their information. But that isn`t looking forward to the call. That`s looking forward to the cash.

There are a few basic reactions a phone slut has when she gets a call:

  • "Hmm. New guy. Wonder what this will be like."

  • "Oh, God. him again."

  • "Gads, this schmuck. Okay, whatever...a call`s a call."

  • "Oh, cool. He`ll talk for a while. It`s all green."

  • "Yes! He called back!"

It`s important to understand that there are multiple variations on these, but for the most part, work is work. Curiosity, Indifference. The occasional dread. Out of 1000 calls, say 900 are run-of-the-mill, 99 are fuck-its-that-creep-again and 1 is...a Hall of Famer.

Thersmen H. Special might just be one of those few.And, Thersmen if you figure out who you are, I`m sorry our time ran out without warning ;-) When you pre-pay the system automatically ends the call, and I wasn`t being a vigilant phone slut. Should have warned you and said good night and thanks for the fabulous call, babe. Hope it`s warming up out in the frozen tundra ;-)

The men who call from this site, call mostly out of curiosity, I think. And, like most johns, they rarely realize that a phone sex call can`t give you anything you don`t bring with you. It`s like hiring a contractor. Sure, you`re not going to be expected to do the design work or the manual labor, but it`s to your benefit to mention what you`d like here and there, or else you`re going to be living in a house that matches what someone else thought you`d like.

But, you know, screw it, I`m used to that. Part of the reason I have a job is because men can`t communicate with their wives or girlfriends, or fuck, even themselves.

Thersmen, however, not only knew what he wanted for himeself, but he took a delishous amount of time to outline exactly what he wanted to do to me. Mercy were my knees weak. I forgot vanilla could get that hot.

Seriously, I haven`t had a bad call from anyone who`s called on the site. I`ve been surprised at the intelligent, literate, and humorous gents who`ve given me a jingle. The only problem I seem to be having is guys complimenting me on the site. Dears, I was raised in the south (no accent, don`t even go there) but basically southern women have two general dispositions - modest and falsely modest. So, you know, if I just giggle a little when you say you like the site, move on - don`t take it as a sign of bimbo. I can kick your ass on Jeopardy any day. Besides I hate for you to waste your dime talking about this little chunk of cyberspace.;-)

Besides, ya`ll keep asking when the next update will be and it makes me guilty. ;-)

Okay...what else...

I`ve been doing some writing lately. Commission work - not stuff that will be available here, unfortunately. They will, in fact, appear exclusively at Couples in Lust. And, I was behind in getting them done as I seem constantly behind in everything these days.

Arugh. Okay, Back to the site stuff I was avoiding earlier.

I`ve been thinking very hard about this site. About the galleries especially and the marketing aspect of the place, and yadda yadda yadda. As I mentioned, I`m putting up a products page with some affiliate programs I`ve joined and other products I just like. If anyone wants to click on `em cool. If not, oh well. I`m not going to hawk vibrators and knick knacks I don`t use. But, the ones I *do* use will be there with the other stuff.If anyone decides it`s something they want/need and they toss a few bucks my way, so be it. I`ll mention they`re there. I`ll justify them if need be, but other than that I`m only a whore on the phone, not here.

Funny, isn`t it? I`ll fake orgasms twenty times a day and take the money but I have ethical concerns about putting ads on my diary. Could my mental capacities be any more fucked? I feel like an Anne Rice character.

Oh! But there IS good news...

Ladies (and gentlemen who are so inclined) Douglas Simsonson is going to allow me to display a gallery of his stuff. He is probably the best erotic artist centering on male models I`ve ever seen. It`s very generous of him. I`m stoked.In fact I`m now thinking about not having an amateur gallery as I first planned and centering exclusively on the stuff that *I* like.

Oh - and all you dear sweet patient people who have written me, PLEASE don`t think terrible thoughts about me. I PROMISE I will get to some mail this week. Procrastination is an art form - not just anyone can do it like me. Be generous in your thoughts, kindly. Unless you called me a scum-sucking hobag, you WILL be getting an email back. Honest.

There have been so many generous people of late. And I`m just a crazy phone slut trying to juggle 100 things at once.

Well, that`s what`s going on for the moment. The world is a dizzying and wonderful place today, even if I`m one year older.


Webmasters and interested surfers - you may not know about a new little Microsoft trick called SMART TAGS. What Mr. Gates and his minions have now accomplished is that they want to CREATE LINKS on WebPages that re-direct traffic to other sites - sites that have paid Microsoft for the privilege. So, without anyone`s consent, if you use a Microsoft browser (IE 6.0+) you`re just going to start seeing links that take you to where Microsoft wants you to go. As a webmaster this really frosts my nipples because we work HARD to get traffic and these fuckwits think they have the right to just send people off willy nilly.

So, in my menu will now be the SMART TAGS ARE STUPID banner that redirects webmasters and surfers to a page which educates people about this subversive little trick and explains how to deactivate it.

Power to the people and all that jazz. Hey, don`t laugh. Next we might actually be able to work on getting an ELECTED OFFICIAL into the White House.

Stranger things have happened.

Oh! One more thing. See those little CLIX buttons? If you`d be so kind to give a little click on those, it`s sorta like a vote that says you`re reading my diary. I think last time I looked I was in like 3000th place. Give a girl some dignity. Click one now and then, will ya?



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