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Monday, January 07, 2002

Too Many Cooks Spoil The Fake Orgasm

I had kind of a unique opportunity today - got to make a two-girl call with Faith. The john wanted a mother/daughter duo and I got to be Mommy. Very unusual for me. I am almost always the naughty little girl slinking upon laps to stir up a john`s libido. But Faith has such a sweet, perky little voice that she makes it plausible for me to sound like a Mom. It made for a nice spin on a rather dull day.

It got me thinking, though, about the dynamic of two girl calls, and how they hinge upon a delicate balance of factors - much the same way anyone who`s had a menage a trois will tell you that a little thought given to preliminary choreography will enjoy themselves a lot more than the club who just dives in ass over tit. Someone has to orchestrate the affair, or else there is nothing but sweaty limbs and a lot of pumping, grinding, and wasted effort expended on frustrating mismanaged energy.

In the ideal two girl call, the john specifies a scenario and then just lets the sluts take over. One of the sluts takes the lead, the other is responsive, and poof - a great two girl call. But there are so many things that can fuck up that equation. The john could be a gland-thumping moron who offers no direction - or worse, he could be a neurotic ass that never shuts up. Still worse than the chatterbox, is the backseat driver. Backseat driver johns only tend to rear their ugly heads in two girl calls (can I get an AMEN, brothers and sisters?). They don`t want to offer any direction, but love to explain what`s wrong with the fantasy you`re playing out.

My theory is, if you hop into a cab and say "drive me anywhere" you`re an idiot, but it`s your fucking dime, so let`s start the meter and the engine and have at it. If, however, you then proceed to bitch because you don`t like where you`re being driven, you`re beyond idiotdom - you`re a fuckwit and there is a special room in phone sex hell for you.

Of course, the other side of the coin is that the john can be great and have a wonderful attitude, but the phone sluts can be all wrong. They can both be submissive where neither takes the lead - both be dominants where neither can surrender the lead, or they can simply have bad chemistry together and never mesh. One or both can also be paranoid catty bitch sluts who hold back a lot during two girl calls for fear of giving away their "secrets."

So, when I get dispatched a two-girl call, typically, my main thought is just: "Ugh."
For me, it isn`t so much any of the issues I`ve listed above so much as it is the fact that I think phone sex is just not a spectator sport. I think listening in or watching someone else have phone sex would probably be the most amusing and pathetic spectacle. Those of us who`ve had sex within ten feet of a mirror know exactly how goofy an orgasm really looks - I don`t even want to imagine how comical a faked orgasm looks.

So, the idea of someone else listening to me perform phone sex - even another slut - triggers my "never make a fool of yourself" button. To drive this point across, today`s daily audio is a snippet of my side of a call I took today. Enjoy the laugh.



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