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Wednesday, December 05, 2001

Holiday Perversions

Turkey and stuffing. Ribbons and bows. Sweet little cherubs and gingerbread men bedecking doorjambs and windowsills.

It`s beginning to feel a lot like cha-ching.

Yep, people spend like crazy in December and horny guys are no exception. I`m still new enough to this business to be amused by the quirks. One of them is that the holidays are big for phone sex. The reasons for this are simple - committing phone sex is a lot like committing murder. It`s all about means, motive, & opportunity.

Means - Home from work with operable phone. Check.
Motive - Have cock, want to please it. Check.
Opportunity - Wife and nibblets are out shopping. Check.

What`s more, a larger percentage of the Grade-A Johns call. These are the guys with day jobs, Jeep Cherokees, a wife and 2.5 kids. The guys desperate to be kinky. They are the Barneys too reserved to ask their Betty to ride them bareback while they suspend themselves over the sink to take a running faucet up the ass.

Poor widdle elephants.

I love it when these guys call. They say hello. They ask if you are having nice weather. They comment on how they`ve looked forward to speaking to you since the last verbal tryst. They know the meter is ticking, they just don`t care. They want an experience - not just a jack. They want fantasy - not prison sex.

And, interestingly enough, they are the more complex johns. Usually in one of two flavors:

He who will plow teenage quim.
He who will be on his knees and like it.

Both can be fun, if you can keep one step ahead of their intricacy. These aren`t gland-rubbing frat jocks. You can`t just scrape together the trappings of an old scenario or play out the same tired narrative.

The one and only commandment of Grade-A Johns: Thou shalt keep new and exciting, or thou shalt lose thy choice clientele.

If you have him spank himself this call, then next call he`ll have to spank himself and wear nipple clips. Then spanking, nipple clips and butt plug. Then bark like a dog. Then crawl like a dog. After a while you`ve got them fetching bowls and having them lap their own piss out of it while wearing enough hardware to fill an aisle at the local Home Depot. But, all you`ve done is establish a routine, you haven`t necessarily fed the fantasy.

Tricky. Intellectual johns. It`s not enough to moan and murmur fuck, cunt and cock - you`ve got to be a touch of an artist. And, it helps if you`ve got a sick, twisted imagination…(a moment of pause to thank God for Her small gifts).Creativity is a must when speaking with Manson Loner. Manson is of the He who will be on his knees and like it persuasion. His calls regularly last between forty minutes and two hours. I can`t imagine what he spends on services in total, but it has to rate in the thousands monthly. Johns like Manson are a challenge not just for their intelligence, but for the length of their calls.Thorny little fucker.

When I first started speaking to him, Manson was in a diaper boy stage. He wanted to wear a diaper and be talked to like a baby. We`d spend an hour describing the process - how I`d wash his dirty ass and "wee wee." The color and softness of the towel I`d use to pat his privates dry. The creams and powders I`d use to prevent rash and discomfort. The way I`d fold the diaper and pin it carefully so as not to prick him. How I`d hold him on my lap and rock him until he had an "accident" and the process had to start all over again.

Lately Manson has been in a phase where he wants to be commanded and denied. I order him to purchase different clothes and shoes and to be wearing them when he calls. Usually they are, at best, uncomfortably tight, and at worst, studded sharply and worn inside out. I have him whip and pinch and clamp himself. I have him sleep in contorted positions and deny himself food or water for certain hours of the day.

It sounds rather boring when you rattle it off like that, but there is a wicked thrill from hearing him grunt and pant. His excitement fends off the monotony. And, once he has begged and begged and been granted my permission to cum, he is polite and grateful.

"Thank you and goodnight mistress."

Then he calls and leaves his designated tip (I make him pay between $25 and $50 extra per call depending upon how obedient he has been) and I`m left with my record-keeping. Logging in the call and scribbling notes.
And wondering what the hell to do with him next.

Maybe Santa will leave me some tips under the tree.

(I`m a)
Ho Ho Ho


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