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Wednesday - April 03, 2002
THE SEX AND THE ETHICS (ne'er the twain shall meet)

I am long overdue for an update (shocker). The irony being that I've been working on the site the whole time, honest injun.

Site News First:

The first of the site's galleries is up. Artist Jack Henslee has graciously allowed me to post some of his works here with links back to his on-line gallery. I have been in lust with his images for sometime now. Should you know anyone who admires quality erotic art, his prints make wonderful gifts. I have purchased one here and there for friends and they are always received with squealing glee. I think they're sublime sensuality.

Bambi Eyes by Jack Henslee

Bambi Eyes

Just a general fyi - my birthday is April 13th and should anyone feel the urge to acquire Bambi Eyes for me I promise to make it worth your $900 ;-) (hint, hint, nudge, nudge - say no more) Much as I oogle over his other images, she remains my favorite.

Yeah, I know. I'm an Aries. What are the odds?

Creating the gallery actually brought me to an interesting realization about myself. I don't much care for porn. More specifically, I think I *would* like some porn if there were any effort put into it. However, I do love erotica. Images, stories, etc. Anything with a minimal effort of artistic expression adding to the sensual presentation of sex - I'm all there. And, even though I'm a card-carrying heterosexual girl, I have to admit I get lost in the female form. The sinuous curves, the planes of soft, taut flesh. *rowr* I firmly believe we got the perk of more attractive sex of the species. Between that and multiple orgasms, I'm okay with the whole distribution of physical properties thing. Although the creative force will have a little esplainin` to do about that whole internal plumbing thing. The female reproduction system is like some jerry-rigged effort to convert an outhouse over to modern use. Maybe that's just

Sorry, I now return you to regularly scheduled programming of "I love being a girl" and "I feel pretty."

Oh. The site also has a new logo. You see, much as I am learning and improving, my site still sometimes looks like a third-grade show-and-tell project. This new chic logo was provided and graciously accepted in effort to make me a little more sophisticated. Although, I've outgrown my hightops for Stuart Weitzman Bangles (*insert another chorus of I feel pretty*) I apparently still have a habit of propping my feet up on the coffee table.

Bad me. ;-)

I have to say - after posting those few letters from the annoying little buggers, I got such a rush of kind mail. I am, as ever, overwhelmed and touched at how well received this site continues to be - and that people seem to be responding with sex-positive attitudes. Frankly, it gives me hope that the US in general might be growing up. What's the Dietrich line? "In America, sex is an obsession; in other parts of the world it is a fact." Indeed.

Still, I hope I never hope I come off as one of those people who stress over the one bad comment in lieu of the hundreds of compliments. If I ever seem to be headed in that direction, please do stand in line to spank me.

No...wait. No spankings. I'm liable to act out on purpose.

Designing this site and getting glimpses into other areas of the sex industry continues to be such a strange experience. In one way, it`s an industry that is much more intimate with its own ethics than other industries. On the other hand, it can be just as repulsive as any bee hive in Corporate America about treating people in general as sheep.

(Ohhh...totally inappropriate side note. Isn't the BEST bad guy line of all time Eli Wallach in The Magnificent Seven saying "If God did not want them sheared, he would not have made them sheep." ? Gotta love Eli)

On one hand, you have the sex-positive people who genuinely enjoy what they do. On the other hand you have those willing to do anything in the name of making a buck. (And yes, I know I've been quite flip about the ethics of making a buck as well - even in this diary, but I tend to expect people to understand a little when a girl is kidding and when she's not).

Yet, matters of sex seem to make people react on such an elevated level of scandal. There are small girls working in Asian countries living in slums and laboring - LITERALLY - in slavery to make Barbie dolls for American kids. But, we have a system of government which protects that under the guise of free enterprise and can't keep out of our bedrooms.

I have johns who regularly tell me I'm not the run-of the-mill phone slut. I think it works both to my advantage and my disadvantage. On Saturday a john who calls fairly regularly spent $50 to wish me Happy Easter and chat for a few minutes. Sex wasn't even mentioned. 

I have a few johns like this. They are intelligent, kind, and sensual souls and more than just a little lonely. I'm glad to be a soft, disembodied voice of fantasy to fill whatever small void I can. But, they make me walk a line I'm always struggling with - a line which is clearly drawn in my mind, but which often blurs for them. I am a fantasy girl. My reality is completely different from the illusions I weave. But, I feel it's my job to make that illusion seem intensely realistic. 

The clear part for me is that I am providing a service. If you go to the doctor's office and spend some time chatting and being friendly after he listens to your heartbeat and pokes inside your ears, you still expect to pay your bill at the end of the session. On the other hand, I don't like that it costs someone money to wish me Happy Easter. Even if I don't participate in that particular holiday, the intention was one of kindness. And kindness shouldn't have a price tag. 

When I worked in "the real world" I had issues of ethics all the time. But they never seemed as foggy. Why is it that business suits and florescent lighting always seem to make things more black and white? Make cut-throat tactics so much more acceptable. I wrestle much more with ethics in my life now than I ever did wearing my "business is just business" persona.

Oh well. I've probably gone off the deep end on this topic. If I don't have answers within myself, I can't possibly expect to present the inner workings of my thoughts with much clarity.

Sometimes this journal is just about me thinking aloud. Or maybe I'm just worried that I'm turning these guys into Mark & Jerry.. (Why couldn't Mark have been named "Ben" or "Tom" ?)

I'll be more perky next entry.

Just so I don't leave you completely bummed out, here's a fun link.

I'd kill to have her accent.



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