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Advanced Blowjobs: The "Purple Haze"
By Doxy Wringer © 
(with invaluable input from Purple Haze)

All of the women I know have different perspectives on giving blowjobs. Some really dislike it, others go through the motions but take no joy from it, and still others truly relish it. But we all agree the male reaction to a good blowjob is pretty universal. There isn't as much differing perspective here; most of them roll their eyes back, call out to their maker, and enjoy the hell out of it.

The art of the blowjob is much more highly praised than its oft-derided cousin, the lowly handjob. Handjobs are generally seen as adolescent, unsophisticated, and (frankly) boring Ė at least to deliver.

It is therefore ironic that the best blowjob technique I've ever been instructed on is, in essence, one-part blowjob and one-part handjob.

Enter Purple Haze with his suck-pop-squeeze-tug procedure.

He told me the tale a while back. While overseas in the military he encountered a "professional" girl who used this type of blowjob as her modus operandi, and it was the best blowjob he'd ever gotten.

Intrigued, I plugged him for details, tested the procedure, and then returned to my newfound guru to get more comprehensive coaching. Upon administering this type of blowjob to a very willing guinea pig, I can assure you it's enough to make a man lose consciousness.

I offer this to you all as a public service. Women, learn this and administer to your men, posthaste. If you need more specific instruction, Crazy Hazy is the man to harass.

Directions:

Your new mantra: rhythm and moisture are crucial. I'll say it again, and cannot stress it enoughÖ

Rhythm and moisture are crucial.

Admittedly, when Purp first described it to me, I had trouble understanding. I think the problem was that my perspective is that of someone who would GIVE a blowjob, while his was from the view of the recipient. I'll try not to repeat the breakdown of communication between us.

First, test it out with a patient guy. I have one of those. Still, my experimenting left him more than a little frustrated while I worked out the kinks. There will be a little bit of required practice. I think most men will suffer it gladly, just like mine did.

Now for the nitty-gritty:

Get him stiff in whatever method you choose. Wiggle the arch of your foot into his fly, grind your ass on his lap, etc. Itís all good. You need to work him up to at least a semi to get started.

As you begin, remember the mantra: Rhythm and moisture are crucial. So, if youíre afraid to get a little spit on your palms, exit stage left and thank you for playing.

Slobber him up form tip to nuts. Really get him juicy. A lot of tongue lathing along the base and slurping on the tip. Those of you who stock flavored oils would probably be well served to employ them here. Once heís raging and messy, itís time to start the music.

Rhythm and moisture are crucial.

I employed a suck-pop-squeeze-tug tempo, focusing entirely on the head of his cock. The shaft really came into very little play, except to set up the next hand. With one hand resting on the base of his cock, press your lips over the tip and suckle on it like you would a thick shake through a narrow straw, rolling your lips tightly on the underside of the head so that the suction builds up. Then, still sucking, yank your head up. There should be a popping as his cock escapes from your lips. The INSTANT his cock is free of your mouth, slide up your hand to the head (your other hand should immediately take its place on the base of his cock), give it a good squeeze, and tug until his cock jerks out of your hand. Then, quickly, back to the mouth.

suck-pop-squeeze-tug-suck-pop-squeeze-tugÖ

Lather, rinse, repeat until youíre both messy and he canít remember his name.

Damn! I wish I had slides.

Fine Points:

1. Remember what makes this so effective is that it's a combination blowjob / handjob. It really is something that incorporates the best of different sensations working in tandem. Learn the little spots and particulars that excite and stimulate your partner. All men are different.

2. I actually had to use both hands, slicked down and slippery, but Iím a very tactile girl.

3. There is a "twist" element that is relatively simple (and common sense when you try this physically):

When you pull your hand up, you aren't just YANKING his cock. I mean, you're giving it a nice, firm tug, but the goal isn't to wrench it in a painful way (well... at least it wasn't MY goal.) So, when you tug up with your hand, just as the fingers get to the head, give a quick, tight squeeze - let him feel the wet constriction of a closed slippery fist wrapped around the tip of his cock for a second or two, and then you "twist" your hand off with a tug.

If you're gripping the neck of a beer bottle and then you slide your hand up, think of the ridge at the top as the head of his cock. You want to get as MUCH contact between your hand and the head as you can - so instead of just continuing to lift up, swivel or "twist" your grip allowing the palm to pass over and cover the head on its merry way (I might add that wiggling and pressing your thumb against that little hole oozing pre-cum will cause a bit of a happy yelp on each pass).

And don't break down the rhythm. Keep it going. Keep it wet. Trust me, it won't take him very long at all.

Use in good health.

Cheers!

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