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Talking Dirty: A Primer
By Doxy Wringer ©

Most of us are taught not to swear as kids, which is why we learn early on the secret thrill behind naughty words. As adults we adopt vulgarities for different reasons - playing by the social dos and don'ts of words like "fuck" and "cunt."

These are perfectly good words, but words can get encumbered with a bad rep for a variety of reasons. I know people who cannot use these words without pausing slightly after uttering them, as if waiting for the lightening to strike. There are also those who claim to refrain from using bad language out of preference for a more dignified method of communication. (Obviously, these were the kids we picked on too much in grade school, and I say let them have their illusions now.)

In the bedroom, however, talking dirty takes on whole new dimensions. Social rules and standards of dignity and decorum don't apply – otherwise you wouldn’t be on your hands and knees with your bottom prominently displayed through a pair of thong knickers. In this arena, we are left with a rather ambiguous playground of language at our disposal; it's easy to feel lost and uncertain with so many possibilities and not enough regulation.

For those who find themselves baffled when a partner utters the anticipated and dreaded phase "talk dirty to me," I offer these few humble suggestions.

How do I know what's dirty for me isn't too dirty (or not dirty enough) for my partner?

Well, that's just it: you don't, and neither do they. Potential is a very powerful aphrodisiac.

The possibility of what might come out of your mouth or their mouth is part of the potential excitement. Will you be shocked? Will it lead to something even more vulgar? Will it be so wicked and wild and fun that you both get totally off on it?

However, if you're going to be safe and practical about things, it's probably good to talk about it with your partner in advance. Many times one uncomfortable conversation can lead to years of joyfully naughty interaction. Ask if there is anything that really excites them, or anything that is totally out of bounds. And begin by explaining the things that are out of bounds or exciting to you. This will negate the thrill of spontaneity for that brief moment, but if you are concerned about "going too far" or your self-consciousness inhibits you a great deal this will help to break the ice and lend a measure of confidence to the spice of the soup.

How do I start? Should I just spout a string of the nastiest words I can think of?

Uh. No. Yes. Maybe.

This is completely different for everyone depending on their partner and the situation. Personally, I prefer to build up to stronger words. Start out more coy and seductive. Okay, fine, maybe you're getting bent over a counter with your drawers down around your knees - trust me, you can still be coy.

First of all, it's always safe to start with pet names. You know those cute little names your parents used for your private matters? Employ them. You want to expand your vocabulary. Here is a little primer that is barely a sampling of all that is out there:

Breasts: boobs, bazookas, bodacious ta-tas, chi chi's, cup size (ie - b's, c's, dd's, etc), hooters, jugs, kazoos, knockers, maracas, melons, ninnies, rack, tits, titties, the twins.

Penis: big guy, bulb, cock, dick, fuck stick, head, joystick, knob, little guy, meat, rod, staff, stalk, sword, lust pole.

Vagina/Vulva/Clitoris: beaver, bush, clit, coochie, cunnie, cunt, cunt hole, cunt lips, fuck hole, honey pot, kitty, muff, pookie, powder puff, pussy, pussy cat, slit, twat.

Sex Acts: bang, bite, break-in, feed, force, fuck, lick, milk, nibble, nurse, pound, punish, ram, rape, slam, suck, take, tease, tempt, torment.

Worthy Adjectives: aching, briny, creamy, dripping, hard, hot, primal, pulsing, raw, rock hard, rough, salty, sexy, slick, slippery, sloppy, slow, soaking wet, stiff, sweaty, sweet, thick, tight, throbbing, wet, wild.

You get the general idea. Be creative. Have fun with it. Don't worry about getting some mess on you. Talking dirty is the mental equivalent of making mud-pies.

Hopefully looking at the list I've provided will help you realize what your own limits might be. But, it's important to keep in mind what causes an initial feeling of rejection, may be something that triggers a stimulated response in the heat of passion.

"Fuck stick" for example, might seem offensive and even silly to you right now. But in the middle of the act, it could be intensely erotic.

If you are engaging in role-play you should also consider tailoring the language to the fantasy. An underage fantasy should involve more hesitant, shy language. As opposed to a hooker fantasy which should be as nasty as possible.

It is helpful to also understand that there is a subtle difference between the delivery of playful & shy, or nasty & intense dirty talk.

Playful and shy dirty talk is the easiest to engage in because you're already in a fun mood. You can feel free to be experimental and not be afraid of breaking the atmosphere. A good giggle never hurt any bedroom. And if you say something over-the-top that is good for a laugh, it could wind up being your favorite inside joke. This is effective for spanking, wrestling, light-hearted role-playing, and sex with a sense of amusement. It is also where the cliché terms can be very useful.

"Want some candy little boy/girl?"
"Is that an X in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?"
"Santa, can I take a lick off your candy cane?"
"I'm going to dip my stick in your sticky wet honey pot you nasty girl."
"I'm a wicked little kitten just aching for some cream."

These are best when delivered in a mischievous and jocular manner, encouraging soft-core play.

Nasty & Intense dirty talk is a bit trickier because you are trying to maintain a certain mood. This is the kind of hair-pulling, flesh-slapping, hard panting activity that you don't necessarily want to giggle in the middle of. You want to maintain a dominant or submissive voice, as the case may be. And you want to sound firm. Don't worry about being repetitive. It doesn't matter at this stage.

"I'm going to fuck you/suck you so hard you won't be able to walk for a week, you sweaty filthy slut."
"Is that what you call fucking? Come on and slam my ass you blood-thirsty, animal."
"Take it you nasty fucking slut. Swallow all of it, you dirty little cock-sucking bitch."
"I know you want it, slut. I can feel your soaking wet cunt. I can smell your musk. You want it. You need it. Beg for it."
"Is this the prick that's going to fuck me? Can it give it to me hard? Soak me with cum? Do you think this stiff pole can take the hard nasty ride I'm gonna give it?"

When engaging in this more intense dirty talk, you can also employ what I refer to as "stream of consciousness smutting." This is when you just let go a tirade of filth in the throes of the act.

"Fuck me with that wild cock you god-damn fucking bastard. Fuck me. Fuck me. Fuck me like the cocksucking bitch I am. Harder. Harder. Fuck me, ram me, slam me, fuck me. You fucking machine. You fucking animal. Fuck me like a whore. Break in this wet cunt and make it yours." (lather, rinse, repeat)

Again, you get the general idea. This method is most effective when inserted between moaning and groaning.

Above all, remember that you're trying to keep in mind what is exciting to your partner as much as yourself. Pay attention to which key words/phrases trigger an immediate response. Remember them for later. Mix them up or string the most effective ones together right before climax. Also be aware of what doesn't work -- what they don't respond well to and try to refrain from using it.

Paying attention to what turns your partner on will always make sex play more enjoyable for both of you. Or all three of you. Or…whatever.

Bed appetite!



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