02:00 AM Nov. 05, 2004 PT
Last week I wrote about mobile porn, and many of you -- but not all -- agreed that phone porn might not be as big of a draw as some companies hope. Rather, the consensus among those who e-mailed me was that you would rather use your phone for actual sex than plain ol' porno.
I'm not talking about the vibration setting, which is too short and wimpy to do anyone any good. I'm talking about talking. Connecting with each other. Getting kinky with devices that let you experiment with gender and species. Seducing a stranger or a spouse, although I wouldn't suggest doing so at the same time unless you're all three into that.
Midori is a San Francisco-based sex educator who teaches workshops such as "Hands-on Flogging" and "Predicament Bondage."
But while BDSM is an excellent icebreaker at parties, she finds that one of her most popular classes is "Aural Sex: Seduction by Voice and Erotic Story Telling." I imagine that's because while not everyone wants to admit their fascination with ropes and martinets, almost everyone has a phone.
"I teach people how to use the phone and technology to keep mystery, vibrancy and sexiness in long-term relationships, as well as in new relationships, without sounding like another stupid come-on," Midori says. The techniques students practice in class "are good for a two-hour or a 20-year relationship."
Many of Midori's students take the class to overcome self-consciousness and to learn how to engage in mutual sexual fantasy without feeling silly. To help them gain confidence, she makes a connection between role-playing games and erotic storytelling.
"What needs to happen is to bridge the gap between the role-playing computer games and the real-life role play of people and sex," she says. "It's about regaining that childhood sense of play and mutual permission for the suspension of disbelief, and then combining that with the fundamental libidinous self."
Adventurous lovers can opt for portable voice changers that let them transform their voices from male to female, female to male, and human to robotic. For more sophisticated disguises, software like AV VCS Diamond Edition gives you a wide range of vocal costumes for use with instant messaging, chat rooms and internet telephony.
While voice changers are mostly marketed to spies and the paranoid, Midori loves the erotic license inherent in the technology. "If I could morph my body to engage in my fantasies with my lovers, I would, but right now I can't do that yet. I'll settle for my voice," she says, citing a fascination with both Klingon sex and Ghost in the Shell. ("If I could be her, I would," she says.)
In cybersex, the ability to give good word separates the men from the boys. When trolling for real sex, giving good voice is an important and often overlooked skill.
PassionDates.com uses the free Skype telephony client to connect members seeking "discreet intimate encounters," while Match.com's Online SpeedMatching service gives you "four minutes of live phone conversation while you read about and view photographs of your date."
While I wouldn't advise launching into erotica in the first four minutes of a speed date, if you're on camera in the iFriends adult community, your vocal prowess may be the lure that captures another member's attention.
Whatever the situation, Midori reminds students not to race to the finish line. "Slow it down, make it sweet and sexy, and make sure those pauses count," she says. "A pause lets people stop and think and digest. Combine that with sensory-rich description, and let the other person fill in that moment of silence with the picture."
She coaches students to inspire interest, build intrigue and set a foundation for future amorous possibilities, and she believes we should all be using our mobile phones to spice up our sex lives.
"We may be dependent on our cell phones these days, but what do we talk about?" she asks. "We say, 'Hey, where are you, how's the party?'" Given our busy schedules and feelings of disconnectedness, she sees an opportunity to bring lovers closer together, talking in real time or leaving erotic messages throughout the day.
One of her favorite techniques is the erotic cliffhanger, where you figure out the maximum length allowed for a single message on your lover's phone. Call when you know he or she can't answer and start talking. "Go into detail," she says, describing what you'd like to do to them, right now or tomorrow or next week, "and then at exactly the right moment -- BEEEEP."
I'll take that over pornography any day.
See you next Friday,
Regina Lynn can be reached at [email protected]
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